Letter to My 15-Year-Old Self

Dear Meredith,

Let me begin by saying that while I do have regrets, I also understand that God’s sovereign hand has carried me through my life. Do not be so fearful of making mistakes that you miss out on the refining that comes only through suffering.

With that being said, ask Grandpa Gene for more lunch dates and go with open ears and an open heart. You may not realize it now, but he is the most wise man in your life and he carries the history behind your family following Christ.

You have a few special friends in your life right now. Be thoughtful to bless their lives and be ready to offer grace- and to ask for it. You are all still learning what friendship means, so don’t allow your wounds to turn into scars in this season.

Don’t judge the “mean girls.” You need the grace and love of Jesus Christ just as desperately, if not more, than they do. If you don’t understand that now, you will very soon.

Give Dad a trash bag and ask him to go through your closet with it. I know- you will probably lose a lot of your favorite clothes, but trust me, your honor and God’s glory mean so much more than looking cute. Plus, Dad needs to know that you care more about his approval than your peers’. And this will plant in your soul the seed of caring for your heavenly Father’s approval.

Despite what culture is telling you, love is not a rebellious teenage boy going against your parents to “fight” for you. True love is when your parents risk losing your affection for a season to fight for your holiness and to protect your heart.

With that being said, don’t date until you’re 22. I know, I know. But please, spend more time hanging out with groups of friends and less time dating.

When it comes time to select a college, remember… YOU HATE THE COLD!

Pay attention to the friends that reflect Christ to you. Spend as much time as you can with them- you will treasure those times the most.

If Jesse Talley invites you on any adventures, go. And treasure the laughter.

Always thank Brie for her friendship. She will be a lifelong friend that sticks closer than a brother.

You will experience your first heartache as soon as you turn 16. Take heart. Basketball is not what the meat of life is made of.

I know you love cooking with Mom in the kitchen. Take her up on the offer to help cook as much as you can. Not only will you learn all of her secrets of the kitchen, but you will unlock countless treasures of her heart. Something about cooking awakens the soul.

Right now, I rarely wear name brand clothes. I’m telling you this so you will refrain from wasting your paychecks on American Eagle. Sponsor a child in another country and put the rest in savings. You will find so much more joy in this and the last thing you need is something else to boost your ego.

Enjoy your last prom as much as possible. Kind of like Cinderella and her expiration date, the effects of Mono start kicking in around 10 o’clock.

Don’t be such a brat to your brother. Build him up and show him respect. You really need to see what a godly man your age looks like and he is it.

Enjoy watching your sister continue to fall in love in marriage. This is what a man pursuing a woman should look like. Take note of their hospitality and generosity to want to invite you into their love and to spend time with you- you will use what you learn from them in order to minister to young women later on.

The loves of your life will be born in 2007 and 2009. Kiss their little cheeks. Sing to them and adore them when their little eyes of wonder gaze into yours. Store those up in your heart because this is a foreshadowing of heaven.

There will be times in your life when you’re following God and nothing around you seems to make sense. That’s when you need to close your eyes and keep walking. He is the faithful Creator.

With hope for your future,

Your 22-year-old self

Chasing the Sun

I'm sick of world, my flesh.

Cloudy head, heavy heart...

Feels like I'm right back where

Years ago I found my start.

Irritation, frustrated fuel builds pressure,

Needs somewhere to bleed;

Door swings open to the outside

And my once lost feet find speed.

Cold air travels fast through nostrils,

Cleanses chest, soul, and skin.

I lose myself in Your strength,

my Peace renewed again.

Arms beat faster now,

Body flowing with Your tune.

Swimming in Your Beauty, I push,

Knowing that gravity will cease soon.

I stop mid-bridge in Your depth,

Eternity just overhead,

Colors live from rays of Sun,

As real as the Words You've said.

And all that brought me here

Has no significance remaining.

Here in Your garden, Lord,

Give me the fruit sustaining.

When You're In Love

When you're in Love, colors come alive,
Walking to class becomes a frenzied bliss of a task,
And dragged-down pockets of cares become easy yoke.
When you're in Love, dreams and fantasies turn into silly
imaginings because Love is so much more beautiful,
so much fuller than a dream could ever hope to be.
When you're in Love, there is Life, fullness running through your veins
and suddenly your senses are heightened to capture every trace
of its lingering finger over you. And life becomes real.
Love has a Light that illuminates paths leading to mysteries
that can only be tasted with delicate enamoration.
When you're in Love, clouds of serenity blind you from the bad,
and arms strengthened by tenderness hold you suspended
above all of your fears,
and the Peace is so intoxicating that you don't even care to look down.
When you're in Love, surrendering control is easy.
Laughter is born of open hands and surprises that fill them.
When you're in Love, beauty glows from former darkness
and the past doesn't exist anymore,
only remnants and traces of the clay cut away in the molding process.
When you're in Love, every morning rushes in with Hope's parade
and rain becomes a beckoning friend.
The shadows surrender their mystery to the Sun
and suddenly, every particle of floating dust
that once haunted your weary soul
becomes a glorious decoration floating against the sky
when you're in Love.

To Be a Mother

What does it mean to be a mother?

To me, it means sacrifice. It means opening your heart and pouring out all of your love, whether it is returned or not. It means having the courage to give life to others. It means rising before the sun to prepare the day for your family. It means that you are an event-planner, a teacher, a nurse, a story-teller, a sounding board, and whatever role the moment calls for. It means offering comfort and joy and peace and hope. It means giving your children a chance to know God's love before they ever learn to read about it.

It means humbly submitting to the Lord and seeking Him for your strength and for answers. It means teaching your daughters that true beauty is found in the soul and how to discern between men who love God and men who love themselves. It means teaching your sons to be honorable and respectful, and the treasure found in the love of a godly woman. It means waking up hours earlier than usual on Saturday mornings to watch your children play games and run races. It means never wanting the last piece of cake.

It means planting the seeds of your soul into the hearts of your children and watering them with your tears. It means quiet mornings with the Lord. It means beginning and ending each blessed day by your bed on your knees, praising and thanking the Maker of it. It means always finding the good. It means honoring the elderly and treasuring their wisdom. 

It means making your hands beautiful by putting them forever on the search for service. It means offering your full attention when your child presents, and your full service when your child is sick. It means unconditional love. It means that you are always, always able to talk and that your children are always wanted. It means that your children are never exposed to your wrath, but rather that they learn discipline in your patient explanations in love.

It means seeing Christ everywhere- and sharing this with your children. It means letting your family know that they are more important than your career- that they are your dream. It means seeing a 30-minute wait in a doctor's office with a 7-year-old as the perfect opportunity to read and explain the book of  Ruth. It means investing in someone what no one will ever be able to take away- something eternal. 

I didn't have to search for Proverbs 31's virtuous woman because she was holding me as soon as I entered the world. I know what motherhood should be because you, Mom, and I'm blessed beyond measure for your life and your love. I love you will all of my heart because you have loved me with all of yours. Happy Mother's Day.

Greater Glory

Last week, I got off work a little early and decided to hit the gym for a late-night workout. Little did I know that God would use this simple task for my sanctification...

After a long, grueling (okay, maybe not grueling, but it felt like it) 30 minutes on the Elliptical machine, I settled onto a mat to work on my abs. Mid-crunch, my eye caught a girl who was working on a machine a few feet away from me. Without hesitation, I began to size her up and contemplated how my body compared to hers. I noticed the muscles in her legs, her size, and... as she turned around swiftly, I saw her child-like face. She couldn't have been older than 16 or 17. Immediately, I felt a piercing in my heart and under my breath said, "I hate my flesh... and I hate YOU, Satan!"

The one thing that I know I want to do with my life is work with young women, to counsel them and to love them and to be a part of the healing process that inescapably every woman must go through to get to her Divine Romance. Here, at this gym, I had the perfect opportunity to get to know this girl and to try to form a bond, one that would hopefully lead to a conversation or reflection or something that would point her to my Jesus, whether she already worshiped Him or not. But no, my flesh wouldn't have it. Instead, I was comparing myself to her, further reinforcing what she was probably told everyday: that her value and identity would be found in her body.

In doing this, I separated myself from her, wanting good for myself rather than for her. In doing this, I built a wall up around myself... because that's what sin does. It separates.

This experience lead me running full speed to God's Word and it was no coincidence that my Bible study's scripture memory verse for that week was Romans 12:10, 

"Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor." 

As 1 Corinthians 6:19 would tell us, our bodies are a temple of God. So, it is good to work out and to be healthy for this purpose. It is good to do cardio exercises and to decrease your fat intake for the purpose of protecting your heart. It is good to stop drinking sodas and start drinking milk, and to start lifting weights to increase your bone density for the purpose of preventing Osteoporosis. It is good to replace your sugary foods with fruits and vegetables to decrease the risk of Diabetes and to fight cancer... if your purpose for doing these things is to worship God more wholly with your body.

As a woman, I feel the temptation daily to use my body for things that are not worshipful to my God, and I see it all around me. I recall a difficult conversation I had with a friend a while back: I felt a burden to confront her on the way she dressed because it fed my desire to compare my body to hers and I could clearly see that it was causing our brothers to stumble. At the end of this conversation, she shamefully looked up at me through brokenness and said, "I just wanted him to notice me."

Our bodies were NOT created to be used as leverage over our brothers and they were NOT created to be the center of attention. Our bodies were made to aid our souls in experiencing and worshiping God, and in pointing others to Him, not to ourselves. That, my friends, is called idolatry. 

In the beginning, God created woman for man, not to feed his sexual appetite, but to help him as he walked with God in the garden (Genesis 2:20). And her purpose was defined immediately when he named her Eve, which means 'the mother of all living (Genesis 3:20).' You see, as women, we were made to reflect our Lord by giving life with our bodies. In fact, I believe the most beautiful women I've ever seen were pregnant. Pregnant women glow, radiating the life inside of them, protecting it and nourishing it and loving it. They look so... alive. This is what her body was crafted for, and that purpose-fulfilled look on her face shows it. This is natural, beautiful, and yet, I don't covet her or compare my body to hers. No, I just enjoy her beauty, which gives life to peace, hope, and inspiration inside of me. Do you see the discrepancy here? It is not supposed to be a natural thing to compare our bodies to other women. We were all created to be beautiful for the purpose of pointing to the Giver of Life.

Let's consider our Lord, the One that God sent to the earth to be an example for us. In Mark 7:31-37, He healed a deaf man with His hands. In Matthew 20:32-34, His touch gave sight to those who could not see Him. In Luke 22:19, He broke bread to represent the breaking of His body, and distributed it out to His disciples.  In each of the four gospels, we see that His body was bruised and beaten. His body shielded ours from the blows of God's indignation toward us and as His blood poured out from the open wounds in His skin, cleansing grace and love poured out onto us. On the cross, His body was naked, open, vulnerable. His arms stretched out, not keeping any of Himself from us. On the cross, we see Jesus' body, the perfect Lamb, given to God for His worship and our salvation. He used His body to worship God and to serve us. What greater example do we need to see the purpose for our bodies?

What happens when we see Jesus' body?

"But we all, with open face beholding as in a glass the glory of the Lord, are changed into the same image from glory to glory, even as by the Spirit of the Lord." -2 Corinthians 3:18

What should happen when others see our bodies?

"...Always bearing about in the body the dying of the Lord Jesus, that the life also of Jesus might be made manifest in our body." -2 Corinthians 4:10

Romans 12:9 tells us to let our love be pure and genuine. 2 Timothy 2:22 tells us to flee youthful lusts in order to call on the Lord with a pure heart.

This is a daily struggle. Every morning, we must look into our closets and make the decision to dress in a way that would aid our brothers in the battle over their flesh, in a way that our Father would be pleased with. Every day, we must look at other women through the lens of pure love, with the knowledge that they could be God's precious daughters. We must decide not to draw attention to our bodies, realizing that this only deepens the wounds that God intends to heal.

What we do with our bodies affects our worship and purity of our hearts and minds. It is a lie that the greatest thing we can do with our bodies is to display and work towards celebrating the beautiful youthfulness they hold in this short season. We have a much greater glory to display which transcends mortality, and this glory is to die for.

Act of Valor: The Vantage Point of the Rescued

As a broke college student looking to raise a couple thousand dollars to go to a Summer Beach Project, it takes a lot to convince me to spend $8 at the theatre, but low and behold, the Darsts did it this weekend. In describing the bravery of the Navy Seals as they were depicted in the film Act of Valor, Clint reflected by saying, “It reminded me how much of a pansy I am. And it’s not okay.” 

In case you don’t have the pleasure of knowing Clint, let me give you some insight. This would be like hearing a chemotherapy patient say, “…that movie makes me realize how hairy I am.” Now, I realize that no matter how much respect I have for Clint, he is a sinful human, but he is the last person in the world that I would label “pansy.” Needless to say, I saw the movie the following night.
 

My hopes are not to ruin this film for you, but in order to reach my main point, I must set up the context. Basically, Navy Seals are the most brave, selfless, and obedient men on earth. They are sent out on the most dangerous missions in the world to protect our nation and rescue individuals, but receive very little thanks for it because their missions are top secret. Sounds like a great action film, right? –Yes, but I’m pretty sure Tom Cruise wouldn’t survive a day of what these men do on the regular.

In the film, a woman working with the American government is captured and tortured while serving undercover in a foreign hostile country. As she refuses to release information to her enemies, she is tortured more and more brutally. However, the team of Navy Seals surrounds the camp and head in for the rescue. To be completely honest, my thoughts consisted of things like, “I can’t believe all of those men are risking everything for a woman they don’t even know,” and “They should probably just turn around because she looks too far gone.” Thankfully, there are men with much more courage than I could ever muster. They didn’t stop. Obedient to their leaders, they pressed in, even when it looked like a sure death. The team “took out the bad guys” one by one until they reached their target: a small, battered woman who was barely hanging on. Getting her to safety was no simple task either. Dodging bullets, these men literally ran for their lives until they finally reached the safe haven, where they maintained composure as they began nursing the woman to health.

Isaiah 43 flashed in my mind like a neon sign. The amount of training that this team of men willing to die had to obtain, the extravagant tools and weapons required for this mission, the wounds and terror required…all for a woman who was barely making it… This, my friends, is a reflection of my Hero. 

^“But now thus saith the LORD that created thee, O Jacob, and he that formed thee, O Israel, Fear not: for I have redeemed thee, I have called thee by thy name; thou art mine… For I am the LORD thy God, the Holy One of Israel, thy Saviour: I gave Egypt for thy ransom, Ethiopia and Seba for thee. Since thou wast precious in my sight, thou hast been honourable, and I have loved thee: therefore will I give men for thee, and people for thy life… I will say to the north, Give up; and to the south, Keep not back: bring my sons from far, and my daughters from the ends of the earth; Even every one that is called by my name: for I have created him for my glory…” (Isaiah 43:1-7)

Who would sacrifice one life for another? God. 

I was in the most helpless state possible when I was rescued. There was no hope of escaping-my enemy’s weapon was death and all I had to fight with was flesh, the very thing that death feasts upon. Saving me seemed pointless because the only One who was able to could not be in my presence because of how offensive I was. But He had a plan. The most dangerous and scandalous plan of all time. He called out the only Man in existence qualified and trained to take on this mission- His only Son. The crazy thing about this mission was that not only did He know that it was going to be dangerous, but He also knew that it would cost Him His own life, but that didn’t stop Him. My Jesus saved me and made me His own. He didn’t see me as “too far gone” because redemption, restoration, and renewal were part of the plan from the beginning. He took the blow of death for me so I’ll never have to fear it again. And not only did He rescue me from the enemy, but He gave me His own Name so that I could not only stand before God without offense, but so that I could be lavished in His love forever.

My friend Katlyn Yoder and I spent the evening making connections of this film to our beloved Gospel and one of her observations was profound. The love and gratitude overflowing in her heart spilled down her cheeks as her shaky voice offered, “The same Warrior who gave everything to rescue me was the One cleaning my wounds in the aftermath.”

This is our God. Our Rescuer. Redeemer. Passionate, purpose-driven Warrior. Our Lover. Our Healer.

Google defines ‘valor’ as “boldness or determination in facing great danger, especially in battle; heroic courage; bravery…” I have a new, deep respect for men of valor, not only for what they do every single day to ensure the security of everything we hold dear, but for the way that they reflect the ultimate Rescue.

Valentine

He is not limited to a handful of flowers;

Like His love to my soul, they flood the floor of the earth

And weave their roots into its heart.

He gives no bouquet because His hand

does not pull anything from its source of life; 
for He is the Giver of Life.

There are no chocolates sitting on my step today;

But there are innumerable flavors to taste and discover

That He has created to reach

the taste buds that He

designed for my delight.

His art contains dimensions and variations of color

That could never be captured on a canvas,
just infinite radiance absorbed into the sky.

The jewels He has adorned me with

Cannot be seen with the physical eye;

They serve to give me beauty that I

could never have attained myself;

Righteousness, purity, justification,

Faith, peace, and reconciliation.

The letter of His love is as timeless as He

And is sealed with the blood that forever seals me.

No candle-lit dinner compares

To the star-speckled expanse which suspends above me.

It is the quiet peace in my soul that I unwrap

As His arms wrap around me.

In His gaze, my soul rouses to wake

And I capture the grandeur of the sum of every dream

Ever woven into my heart.

No Hallmark words,

Or  frail human promise,

No word that can be broken,

Or hand that can perish…

Just forever

With my Valentine.

21 Things I Learned When I Was 21...

21. Sometimes the hardest people to love need it the most.
20. No matter where I end up, Albemarle will always be the most beautiful place in the world to me. It is family. It is home. 
19.  Wishing produces wistfulness that may never come to fruition. Praying transforms the heart to rejoice in God’s perfect Will.

18. No one will remember how amazing your project turned out to be, but they will remember that you stayed after class for 2 hours to help them with theirs.

17. The cure for discontentment is serving others.

16. It’s okay to be afraid. It’s not okay to stay afraid. (Isaiah 41:10)

15. I like dried fruit and humus. But not together. Ew.

14. If you have hair, you should not complain about a bad hair day.

13. Everyone wants to be understood. Most solvable problems begin with listening.

12. The secret to beauty… is children.

11. Talking to complete strangers should not be as intimidating as it is. You either get a friend out of it, or you get a great opportunity to learn humility. (Psalm 18:24)

10. Every big decision deserves two weeks of thought and prayer before being made.

9. Don’t take chances because you trust people. Take chances because you trust God. 
8. Trials are worth rejoicing in. (James 1:2-3)

7. Never assume anything. (Phil 4:8)

6. God is the God of reconciliation. Life is wasted if it is full of grudges and bitterness. The Bride of Christ is a group of people, so to hold a grudge against a person is to hold a grudge against Christ’s Bride.

5. The best lessons are painful to learn, but God is a wonderful teacher.

4. Emotions change moment-by-moment. God’s truths never do. 
3. Love is enduring and patient and difficult and all that matters. (1 Corinthians 13:3-13)

2. It’s okay to not have a plan.

1. God uses broken people to do huge things. And I mean really broken people. (2 Corinthians 12:9-10)

  Here's to jumping into year # 22 with arms wide open!

 

Never Look Back

Cares and troubles flood my heart

Fear and flesh tear me apart

I’m holding on to empires of dust

Inwardly, after comfort I lust

Down I slip in foundations of sand

My only hope is to reach for Your Hand

Down on my knees, I fall and cry,

“I can’t do this alone; I’ve already tried!”

My insecurity and all of my fears

Melt away with my falling tears

I hand You my cares; the full range

You fill me with peace; the sweetest exchange

All comfort in the world cannot give

What You’ve offered me: to come and live.

To do so, I must first strive to kill

All that would rival for Your Will

In order to surrender, I must first see

That You are the only God there can ever be;

Under Your night sky, I’m humbled to silence

Woe is me! From the Almighty, I deserve violence!

For the nearest star is a lifetime away

And I can see thousands from where I lay

There are more in number than grains of sand

And yet, these massive wonders are held in Your Hand

My understanding fails to provide reason

That while glorious stars praise You in every season

You would want a wounded rebel’s praise

So imperfect and insignificant in all of its ways

But Truth You are and Truth You tell

And to believe in Your love does my soul well

So give me the measure of faith that I lack

To take hold of the plow and never look back