Growing Into Grace

Grace doesn't run in families or "come" with age. Still, I can't help but savor the sweetness of the grace that the women in my family carry.

My great-grandmother never owned anything that she wasn't willing to give away, despite the fact that paper towels hung to dry from washing in her kitchen-signs of a life lived through the Great Depression. Her skin was scented with hospitality, compassion seeped through her eye-wrinkles and joy always danced from her eyes, no matter the circumstances. She taught my own Mom how to kneel each night and pray to the Lord, delighting in Him and begging His mercies. My Mom, in turn, taught me. No one left Grandma's house without feeling cherished and appreciated. Never did she make anyone feel guilty for leaving, or for the great length of time between visits; she simply soaked in the time she was given like a delectable delicacy, which always made me want to come back.

My Aunts are tender souls. One has hearts for eyes- she sees the Spirit of the Lord everywhere and uses every instrument possible to express the glory that she sees, making vehicles that help other heart-eyes grow. She is an angel whom God uses to gift others with her words, photos, and treasures at the perfect time, usually without knowing the effects that they have, all by simply being faithful to maximize the gifts and talents that she has been given. Another Aunt devotes her life to her family and to others, making her home a safe haven for all who meander inside. She humbly submits her life to her Lord as she seeks out service everywhere she goes, never complaining or asking, "What's in it for me?"

And there is my Mom, who labors with God's Word, longing for it to overtake her. Life's fair share of trials have left her with a heart that could have easily turned hard and bitter, but by the gift of faith, she chose Jesus. Trial after trial has left her with a kind of patience that I may never know, and a devotion to her Lord that is becoming of saints. She has served as "Mommy" of children for over 20 years and lovingly grows to morph into "Mom" of adults, not because it is what she wants, but because it is what we need. Her decisions are always intended to be in the best interest of us, not of herself, as a true image-bearer of her Savior.

I become a wife in 40 days, Lord willing.

At our first shower last weekend, a friend said to me, "You are going to be the perfect wife!!!!"
I wanted to laugh in her face.
Never before have I been so aware of the nasty sin lurking in the depths of my soul or the missing pieces of the gospel in my character. Never before has another human being-other than maybe my parents-seen this much of my raw sin. Never have I felt the weight of trying to fulfill this image that I have built up in my own mind of what a wife is "supposed to be like."

But then I wonder if my great-grandmother felt this at all when she stepped into this role at such a young age. Surely those compassion-filled eye-wrinkles weren't existent in those ripe days. And my aunt had to see lots of dark shadows before she was able to receive the stunning colors of light in their full splendor. My Mom was a bit of
a clean freak before she learned the pleasures of letting her children feel comfortable enough to play and laugh and love the house into our home. Surely, there is grace for me.

Grace doesn't run in families, unless God is your Father.

A Glimpse of the Cross on Valentine's Day

My last Valentine’s Day as a single lady was unique; circumstances surrounding the engagement to my fiancé have allowed me to spend a few extra months at home with my parents. I think of these months as gifts because of all that God has done in them to use us to be teachers and comforters and companions to one another- gifts that a lot of people don’t get to have as adults with their parents.

The mighty snow storm this week didn’t allow me to see my fiancé on Valentine’s Day (which is okay because we get to do life together every single day!) so my parents and I decided to hit up the YMCA for an endorphin boost. The workout was refreshing and left us each ravenous, so we decided to trek on up to the nearby Subway and then stop by Family Video for a relaxing night of rest. 

Stricken with the decision to choose between our regular subs and the new flipizzas (flat bread pizzas- yes, they are delicious), Mom and I stood in line contemplating our order. When we finally reached the register, it was Dad’s turn to make the tough decision. Trying to take her mind off of the growling beast in her stomach and to wait patiently, Mom dug into her purse for her phone to distract her. It wasn’t there. When you’re a mother of three and a MiMi of three, it’s pretty important to have your phone at all times in case of emergencies or adorable videos of babies that you couldn’t wait another second to see, so thinking nothing of it, she headed outside to search the vehicle. 

In a few moments, my Dad came charging up to me with urgency-stricken eyes, “Where is your mother?!” Confused, I tried to search his face, “She went to the car to look for her phone.” Leaving his flipizza order and the boy waiting on him, he charged to the door to find her. 

Why is he so tense?

And then I realized… our little homey town has not been so homey lately, with several robberies and even murders, which leaves us a bit uneasy about being out and about at night. 

But what could he really do if a gang attacked my Mom? Is he being overly protective and not trusting God to take care of her?

“Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it…” –Ephesians 5:25

My Dad was obeying God, willing to lay down his life for his bride. Even if there was no chance that he would overcome a gang of dangerous men, I know without a shadow of a doubt that my Dad would still lay his life down in an effort to protect my Mom. 

Not much about the night was “romantic,” but I caught a glimpse of the kind of passionate Christ-like love that I pray my marriage is saturated with… a covenantal, selfless kind of love that points to the cross of Christ, a love transcendent of days and moments and humanity. This love is nothing if not passionate, and not because of the heat-of-the-moment or because it felt good. There was no heated risk in the blood-stained cross of Christ- He knew exactly what He was getting with us… not the beautiful, perfectly shaped runway model or the eloquently-speaking charmer, but simply you and I… at our worst. He saw what we would look like in our 80’s and the major flaws in our character and the nastiest pieces of our selves, but God loved us because we were His children. 

He made a covenant with Himself at Creation to love us at all times and at any cost, already knowing what that cost would entail. Out of obedience to The Father, Jesus bore that cross, counting His beautiful and perfect and selfless life as nothing because He knew that eternal Life was His. And ours. 

That is Love.