Dear Norah,
Your first birthday is approaching and my heart is full of so many emotions. I'm learning what it means to disciple you, to train you and teach you how to live. There are so many things that I long for you to know, but you're not ready just yet. I've lost too many valuable things over the years to trust writing you a letter, so maybe the internet will endure long enough for you to read this when you're a little older, when you may need these words.
First of all, you are the most magnificent thing that has ever happened to your dad and me, apart from being adopted by the God of the universe. When you were born, we fell in love with you instantly (I'm sure by now you've heard these stories millions of times). I've never known a more immense love that immediate- it's like nothing I could have ever imagined and I've realized that loving you like this is another glory of the Lord's that I have been able to experience, graciously. By the time you are able to read this, I pray that He has captured your heart and revealed His glory to you, too.
Anyway, here are a few little moments and thoughts that I have saved up in my heart day in and day out with you that I hope you can treasure, too.
You're interested in everything. I love the wonder that you carry with you always, even if it means that you leave a huge mess behind you everywhere you go. I left the bottom drawer in the bathroom not baby-proofed so that while I get ready in the mornings, you can pull out my small bags and a few other things to entertain yourself. You have a spot like that in almost every room- a place where you explore, pulling out each object and quickly examining it before throwing it on the floor and moving on to the next one. But there has never been a time when you weren't prepared to leave whatever you were doing at a moment's notice to come with me. I simply say "come on," clap my hands together and hold them out. You drop whatever is in your hands and reach for me without any hesitation whatsoever. You don't care where we are going or what we're doing, you're just sure that it'll be better than anything else you have going on because you'll be with me. You simply love my nearness. Norah, I pray that you hold onto this concept forever; not that you will never want to leave my side, but that as you mature and grow, you will find Jesus to be worthy of that kind of devotion- a deep, instinctive love and desire to be with Him no matter where He takes you or what you have to give up to be with Him because you know that being with Him is the whole point of this life, and the most magnificent reality you could ever ask for.
While you and I are extremely close these days, you are quite the Daddy's girl. When we came home from the hospital, you were still a couple of weeks early. We were told to give you lots of skin-to-skin time to help you develop well. Your dad had no problem holding you for hours and you so enjoyed snuggling into his warmth.
It's not unusual for you to sit at the door after he leaves for work and wave long after he's gone, as if you're expecting him to come back. Today, you weren't feeling well and started crying for him. I gave you his picture to appease you and you kissed it over and over. It amazes me how much you love him already, but I can see why. Your Dad has proven his love to you, time after time. Unlike a lot of dads, he gets up in the middle of the night with you- sometimes to serve me when I'm over-exhausted, but sometimes because he wants those middle-of-the-night snuggles with you. He holds you and soothes you when you're sick and when you have to get shots (because I cry too and haven't been very strong for you). He enjoys helping to put you to bed when he can, and to bathe you and feed you. He delights in nourishing your soul already and goes out of his way to try to show you new things that he thinks will bring you joy. He takes care of you. He sacrifices his own comforts for your good. He pays attention to your likes and dislikes and helps you grow. He is your safe place. You've learned that you can trust him. Norah, don't ever consider giving your heart to a man who doesn't love you like your daddy loves you. Because if he can't love you like your daddy does, how will he ever love you like Jesus does? You are so valuable, my daughter, and I can't express how important it is to choose wisely when it comes to who you entrust your heart to. (If you're still unsure, don't worry. No man will get too close to your heart without your dad's permission, and mine.)
It's safe to say that we've bonded, you and I. From the moment that my horrible 30-some hour labor ended and your glorious little body was placed on mine, I've had a hard time letting you out of my sight. Who knows what birthing centers or hospitals will be like when your generation starts having babies, but right now, mommas get very little rest in hospitals. Neither your dad nor I slept for more than an hour or so at the time during our entire stay; our door was a revolving one with doctors, nurses, specialists, family, etc. So when it was time for you to go to the nursery for a few hours overnight for some testing, we were too exhausted to not be a little thrilled at the thought of sleep. The nurse said she'd have you back in time to nurse again at 2 AM, so we snoozed. Somehow, even through the exhaustion, I came back to consciousness around 2:15 and panicked... my baby was supposed to be back at 2:00! My swollen, achy body slowly stretched up and off the bed. I wrapped my robe around my pale pink over-sized hospital gown that tied in the back and began treading down the hallway with my lovely grey hospital socks slouched down to my ankles. Needless to say, I was quite the sight at the nurses' desk frantically wanting to know where my baby was. You were sleeping. Those poor nurses just wanted to give me more rest.
Norah, I'm having to learn that while it is my responsibility and natural desire to do everything in my power to protect you, I have to submit to our Father daily and remember that you are His before you are mine. There is nothing and no one in this world that you have complete control over, nor should you. I pray that you always, always put your trust in this God who sees you, who hears you, who knows you because He formed you and purposed your life. He can protect you far better than a pitiful, sore & swollen momma bear ever can- and far better than you ever can. He is worthy of your life and you can trust Him with it. As C.S. Lewis said, "He's not safe, but He's good."
Lastly, we really hope you take pride in your name, Norah Elizabeth.
Norah means "light" and "honor." You already bring joy wherever you go. We get stopped in public all the time- people tell us how much you have brightened up their days by smiling and waving at them at such a young age. A stranger felt the need to stop me once and tell me that there is something unique about you-that you seem to have this glow all around you. I just smiled, little light. I believe God is already preparing you to spread His light into the world in an undeniable way.
Honor means "high respect, esteem." Not only do I plan to raise you to treat all people with honor, but I pray that your life is consistently found worthy of honor, as well. My prayer is that your love for what is good, your joy and security in the Lord, and your awareness of your unwavering identity will develop you to be the kind of woman that draws out honor from even the crudest of people.
Elizabeth means "My God is sufficient." And He is, Norah Elizabeth. I trust that He will show you exactly what this means in the days to come.
You could not be more cherished or loved.
Happy 1st Birthday, sweet girl. We are still so amazed that God chose us to be your mommy and daddy.
