I used to live in this tower of security, designed by my doubts and built by my fears. I was comfortable enough in this tower, being the ruler of it. Inside, I felt safe, in control, and independent… until the day that everything fell apart. From the wilderness, a mighty Warrior ran through my gates with His eyes set on the destruction of my tower. From the very foundation, He tore it away, brick by brick. I tried holding on to its walls, but they fell from my grasp. Before all of my wounds could be put on display, I tried running away into the woods, like Eve running to her fig leaves, but no shelter could hide me from the light of this Warrior’s illumination. Every hiding place I fled to was uncovered.
At His cue, the clouds gathered and released a torrential downpour, with thunder and lightning that shook me to my core. Frozen with fright, I began to feel my wounds sting and couldn’t tell whether it was from the tumultuous rain or the salt from the tears flowing from my eyes. With nowhere else to turn, I looked at Him. Even in the darkness of this storm, He was as bright as the sun, and completely serene. With trembling lips, I gave up the only words that I could offer, “You are God, and I am not.” He walked towards me with determination in His eyes. The nearer He came to me, the more vulnerable and weak I felt… it was almost as if my insides were quivering so much that I might just fall apart.
The ambiance of His peace encompassed me fully as He picked me up into His arms and held me tightly and tenderly. The sweetest words I’ve ever heard flowed from His lips, “Rise up, my love, my fair one, and come away…” (Song of Solomon 2:10) In that moment, I looked deep into the eyes of Love itself. I was looking into the face of Christ, right into the brilliance of God’s sacrifice. His eyes were filled with oceans of wild, untainted love that was deeper than this world will ever know. His stare pierced beyond the window of my eyes down into my heart, lighting up even the deepest corners of my soul. With just one look from my mighty Warrior, I was utterly and completely known. In the glorious moment of this divine romance, I realized that Christ had never allowed me to slip away. I had tried to hide myself away from pain, but He held onto me until my strength to fight Him was gone because He knew that the only way for my heart to come alive was through giving me Himself. He is the end of my search, the mystical kiss that ties the longings of my heart together… He Himself is everything I will ever want, and He refused to let me settle for seeking out anything that would leave me empty.
In His embrace, my Lover sang over me with words that seemed to be dripping with honey, “…I have engraved your name into the palms of my hands…” “…I will go before you and make the crooked places straight…” “…I will turn your mourning into joy…” “…I will betroth you to me forever…” “…you are all fair, my love, there is no spot in you…”
Beholding the beauty and glory of the unmistakable, selfless love of my Savior, I became love drunk as I felt the chains that tried to contain my heart snap and shatter. My heart broke free and returned to its wild and reckless state, and I danced in the freedom of this love as He sang over me.
“…love is strong as death…” (Song of Solomon 8:6) What happens to the heart when it experiences true love? Actively, it is to love something enough to desire to give your whole self to it, even in death. This kind of love is what tore the Holy Trinity apart on the day that Christ experienced and overcame death. This is the fire that consumes us now and sets our hearts on fire with passion. This love- true love- is not for the faint of heart and comes at a high price. It requires suffering, but offers everything that our hearts could possibly desire. With true love, vulnerability is beauty and weakness is turned into strength through dependence on the One who has perfect strength.
My Lover is an adventurer, and because we are in this together, I get to be part of it. I am no longer the victim, but forever the wild, fearless warrioress, bearing witness to this dangerous, indescribable love.
When true love strikes, it pierces the heart and changes you from the inside out. You are transformed from the fearful to the fearless, because You have seen that all power and strength come from the One holding you and the only thing you can’t live without is the very thing that you’ll never have to.
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