Fight to the Death

A few weeks ago, I found myself sitting in my car wondering why obedience was so difficult for me that day (if you read my last post, you’ll see that I do a lot of thinking in my car).  For some reason, keeping my mind from sinful thoughts was like keeping the positive side of a magnet away from its negative counterpart. I was worn down emotionally, mentally, and spiritually and was tiptoeing to the edge of surrender when something caught my eye:  a telephone pole cast its shadow over the building to my right, creating a perfect cross. Immediately, Philippians 2:8 drenched my heart, “…He (Jesus) humbled himself, and became obedient unto death, even the death of the cross.” Ouch. My heart ached. There I was complaining about my little battle, which I could have already claimed as a victory, and Christ, the King of the world, remained obedient to God even in the face of the most nasty, loathsome death… for me.

Last week, my wise friend Matthew Williamson challenged me with the question, “Do you ever mourn your own death?” My first reaction was to respond to the morbidity of that question, but then the peaceful smile on his face told me that he was referring to the death of my flesh. He went on to remind me that in order for your spirit to completely come alive to God’s perfect plan for you, your flesh must be put to death (Romans 8:13).

            As much as we try to glorify the phrases “dying to yourself” and “crucifying your flesh,” these processes are not glorious at all, nor are they enjoyable. In fact, in moments of sweet surrender to the Lord, when I feel strong in Him and joyful in fellowship, I tend to view killing sin like it’s a scene from The Patriot. At the end of the film, when Benjamin (Mel Gibson) victoriously and courageously kills his son’s murderer, the British soldier, I get this sense of pride and victory inside of me, as if I am the protagonist and I have overcome. But that is not always how killing sin works. As offensive and disgusting as sin is to God, (like the British soldier who killed Benjamin’s son- sin is what God’s Son died to overcome) our flesh absolutely loves it. So let’s replay the whole “victory” scene again- except this time, the villain is actually the accumulated passions and desires of your flesh. Not such a sweet victory anymore, is it?

So, assuming that we know what strong holds are, what they do to our hearts, and how easy it is to be controlled by our deceitful hearts (Jeremiah 17:9), let’s consider what 2 Corinthians 10:3-5 says about the battle we face to overcome our flesh,

“For though we walk in the flesh, we do not war after the flesh: (For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal, but mighty through God to the pulling down of strong holds;) Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ…” 

What would this look like? (My personal application may not apply to my brothers, but you can translate!)

Although I hardly ever have time to casually watch TV, a few weeks ago I found myself bored and wanting to be enchanted by a good love story.  So what did I do? I pulled out the most mushy-gushy chick flick I could find and popped it in. Later on, I meditated over that “perfect” love story and wistfully thought about how mine might turn out- harmless, right? The next morning, I found myself listening to love songs on my way to work instead of the usual praise & worship. I am filled with shame even as I type because as innocent as this sounds, I know what it did to my heart, and it is disgusting: 

Basically, I invited that British soldier (my sinful flesh) into my apartment (my heart) and sat him down in my most comfortable chair as I prepared the most delicious 4-course meal for him. I fed him. I gave him fuel for battle… against myself. I chose to pour death on my future marriage by building completely unrealistic expectations of men through idealizing imaginary characters- men who knew exactly how to lovingly pursue and break down every wall of a woman’s heart and seemed absolutely strong enough to catch her when she fell, knowing all the right things to say and loving her to a fault. So I have to ask myself: how is this any different than my future husband looking at images of other women’s “perfect” computer-altered bodies and subconsciously expecting that of me one day? I was killing my future marriage before it even got the chance to be formed, and my flesh was asking for more.

I thank God that there is no condemnation for me (Romans 8:1) and that my God is the God of redemption. However, I can’t flirt with sin. I have to fight with the only weapon that will bring victory: God’s Word (Ephesians 6:17). Philippians 4: 8 tells me to think on things that are true, honest, just, pure, lovely, of good report and virtue. I have to recognize what is true: I am not part of a “perfect” fairy tale love right now (insert your sin of choice here). I have to recognize that it is God who has given me this season of singleness and it is my choice to view it as a curse or a gift. His Word tells me that everything I receive from the Lord is good and should be received with thanksgiving. My spirit reminds me of all of the wonderful benefits of singleness and how much my undivided devotion to the Lord brings Him glory and can be such a gift to others. 

We have a battle to fight and in order to win, we have to remember what we’re fighting for. If there is any motivation for fighting the battle over our flesh that is not rooted in our love and devotion for our Lord, we will lose. If we listen to the voice that tells us to fight for what we want, we will die. If we value the pleasures of our flesh above all else, we have missed entirely the purpose of this life: to point to the next.

“These things I have spoken unto you, that in me ye might have peace. In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world.” –John 16:33