This morning, I finally felt it. After swiping my phone to end the annoying last alarm, I rolled over onto my back to slowly embrace the new morning before arising into it. And then I felt it. It wasn't just a maybe-that-was-just-my-stomach feeling this time. My belly literally shifted and rolled on the outside. My heart stopped and I pressed my hands down onto the dwelling place of this tiny human, invading the little space that he/she has. And there it was again! Another gentle thump, a little foot or elbow or hand or knee bursting out with life, rippling joy throughout the body housing it.
The truth is though, it doesn't matter how pregnant I have felt. Having this experience did not make me "more pregnant." From the moment that the tiny egg in my body (which God had already set apart from the rest to become an image bearer) was fertilized, I began carrying life inside of my body.
My body. This just seems ironically possessive now that another being is living and thriving inside of this body, using its nutrients to grow. I didn't have to tell my organs to move and make room for this little one; my body naturally did it because it was made for this. Because its Maker and Commander is not me.
I have no stones to throw at any woman who holds to the belief that her body is her own and that she has the right to decide what to do with it. In fact, I have been graciously shielded from stones myself. But I wonder if they know the whole truth? That their bodies aren't really their own.
And I can't help but to be thankful that my Jesus didn't regard His body as His own. He left a perfect union that He had enjoyed from eternity past to come here as an infant growing in the body of a woman just like me. The Giver of Life and the Author of Days put Himself in a position to be dependent upon a young woman's body. From the human perspective, this pregnancy was anything but planned. But it was no surprise to God. By the very nature of His character, He is the Redeemer. This means that even before there was a beginning, this pregnancy was planned by the Almighty. Was it inconvenient to a young betrothed virgin? Absolutely. Her very life was threatened. But through this child, her very soul was saved.
Jesus' whole life was spent serving, giving, and healing. He stood in between the stone-in-hand condemners and the woman who chose to live by the belief that her body was her own and that she could do whatever she wanted with it, no matter who else it affected. Not only did my Jesus pour His grace all over her, but He showed her another way. (John 8:1-11)
Our souls have all been injected by the same poison with only one hope of cleansing: the complete exchange of our withered, diseased lives for the life of God's perfect, holy Son. To do this, Jesus would have to receive the full cup of God's wrath to the point of death so that there was none left for us to drink. One drop would've killed us all.
But was that really fair? What about Jesus' rights? That was HIS body and He could have done whatever He wanted with it. He was the innocent party here, you know. Why not go enjoy Himself, or at least wait until He was a little older so that He could have had some more life experiences?
Foolishness. This "life experience" is nothing compared to being in the presence of God, and that was an experience Jesus knew quite well. There was nothing that this world could offer that was worth trading for the will of God and the pleasure that comes with pleasing the Father.
"Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God."
-Hebrews 12:1-2
Maybe there is something more fulfilling than all of the things we have marked down on our bucket lists: career, youth, relationships, travel, etc. Maybe in the whirlwind of all that we think we want, there's something better, more full. We aren't exactly the experts on peace and love and freedom, are we?
So, when I think about the life growing inside this body of mine, I am reminded of the God-Man who made His temporary home in a body just like this one. The very One to unlock the keys of salvation was just two inches long, then three, then four... arms and feet and brain and nervous system growing at the exact same rate as the tiny body in my own. From the very beginning, He was Savior.
And while it may seem inconvenient at best, this Savior saw your life and mine as precious enough to give up His body for. The product of one body sacrificed? Countless others saved.
Meet Baby Sal.
We find out if this baby is a he or a she in about 2 weeks. His/her gender is already determined and will be celebrated and affirmed. His/her heartbeat is strong, along with the nervous system. Baby can already see light, even with closed eyes. (It's interesting how one of the very first senses humans are able to use discernment with is light, isn't it?) Baby Sal can hear our voices and can move around in response to the sound of hundreds of worshipers singing on Sunday morning. It's a miracle, really- that I get to be an image-bearer of God, carrying an image-bearer of God. That my body, while it has never truly been my own (1 Corinthians 6:19-20), is now also the body of another. And even before I had the proof of this ultrasound picture, there was life inside.
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